A landlord by trade, David has witnessed a wide range of human experiences, including housing instability, addiction, loneliness, and hoarding, some of which he has also encountered within his own family. His father lived for decades with an undiagnosed hoarding disorder.
“It’s something you don’t really notice all at once,” David says. “Looking back, the signs were always there. My dad would save objects with absolutely no value. At the time, I didn’t understand it for what it was.”
David grew up in Connecticut while his father lived in Chicago. After his parents divorced, David’s father visited and called regularly, but it wasn’t until David visited him in Chicago fifteen years later, as an adult, that he saw just how bad things had become. He then began to understand the scope, and the weight, of his father’s behaviors.
“I work in real estate, so I’ve seen a lot,” David explains. “ But this was the worst I had seen. My father’s three-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment had become practically unlivable. He slept on the couch every night because he couldn’t access any of the bedrooms and only one of the two bathrooms. You couldn’t open the doors fully, reach the kitchen, or even see the floor. His condo probably hadn’t been cleaned in over 20 years.”
For years, we’d talked on the phone, and everything seemed fine.
“I flew out with one of my best men and hired three more guys on Craigslist. I got lucky and hired some warriors. It took five days to clear out the apartment, 17 pickup trucks, and you can’t get dumpsters in the city so it was very difficult” he says. “And even then, he started hoarding again almost immediately. That’s when I realized, this isn’t about cleanliness or laziness. This is a mental health issue.”
Hoarding disorder is often misunderstood and deeply stigmatized. David admits that for much of his life, he assumed people with mental health conditions simply lacked discipline. But witnessing his father’s experience and the individuals he’s interacted with as a landlord have challenged that belief.
“You can’t reason with someone who’s hoarding,” he says. “My dad once picked up a dirty, single glove off a Chicago sidewalk. When I asked why, he said, ‘What if I find the other one?’ He truly believed that was a possibility. No amount of reasoning or logic could change his mind.”
Hoarding often defies logic, as people cling to objects with no purpose. David remembers his father saving hundreds of the white pull tabs and metal tops from orange juice concentrate cans. His dad kept every tab and lid for decades but threw out the cans themselves. “There was no explanation, no possible use for them.”
The stigma around hoarding, especially among family, neighbors, and even city officials, only added to the difficulty in diagnosing and supporting his father. “Some of my relatives, who cared about my dad and saw his condo in person were extremely well-meaning, hinted something was wrong, but no one said it outright. For a long time, I didn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I think they were trying to be nice or maybe felt embarrassed for my dad. The neighbors could also see what was going on, but they had no idea what to do about it.”
Even in the landlord community, David sees the consequences of stigma and mental health. “There’s not much support for property owners trying to help tenants with serious mental health conditions. The system makes it hard to take chances on tenants with issues,” he says. “But if it were easier to address their issues, I think more landlords would take the risk. Right now, it’s expensive and emotionally draining, and it’s just not good business.”
“Hoarding is serious and extremely hard to overcome. Think about trying to break a bad habit. You don’t always know why you do it, and it takes time and effort to change it. But for someone like my dad, it didn’t even register as a problem. If I had asked him whether saving all those items was a bad habit, he would’ve said no without hesitation.”
After clearing out his father’s apartment, David asked what it was like to finally sleep in his own bed for the first time in over five years. His father responded flatly, “Oh, it’s nice.” David remembers how his father got angry several times during the cleanout when he was throwing out something his father liked, and his best solution was to let his dad bring it back inside, only to throw it out later when he wasn’t looking.
Still, David approached caretaking as a job, pushing forward with the understanding that if he didn’t do it, no one else would. He did everything he could to ensure his father’s safety even though they lived in different states. He hired a weekly cleaner who made sure there was food in the house and that the pathways were clear, and he continued to call and check-in.
David believes in sharing his story for the sake of others who may be in a similar situation. Today, David’s advice is, “If you have a family member who’s hoarding, first accept that the situation will never fix itself. Visit often and help keep the space clear. Understand they won’t reach out to a mental health provider themselves, so you may need to be that bridge. And most importantly, don’t expect logic to work. To solve the problem, you have to handle it for them and provide consistent maintenance.”
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Let’s Face It
Launched in 2022 by Mental Health Connecticut, Let’s Face It takes place every May in celebration of Mental Health Awareness Month. Throughout the month, we host and participate in events, share daily wellness content and vital resources, and spotlight Connecticut residents with lived experiences, amplifying their voices and journeys to inspire hope and understanding.
Why focus on stigma? Because it’s pervasive, taking on various forms, and we firmly believe that its power diminishes when faced head-on. By sharing these compelling stories and daily wellness content, our aim is to spark more conversations, show the individuality of mental health, and increase awareness. Through Let’s Face It, we hope to help create a safer and kinder Connecticut for all.
Let’s Face It 2025 is presented by ConnectiCare. Learn more at mhconn.org.
