Layshia Clarendon is a basketball star player. She identifies as gender-nonconforming, a devout Christian, a person of color, a lesbian, and a wife. Those are a lot of labels. Yet, she is someone who is comfortable in her own skin, happy to tell you that she is who she is, without apology.
In the article “The WNBA’s Most Outspoken Gender-Nonconforming Player Is Over Shame,” by Them.com, Layshia said, “I try to remember how my presence helps others. I refuse to dim my light to fit in or make people feel more comfortable.”
I find that kind of quiet, straightforward strength refreshing. She has bigger changes to make than spending energy on what you think of her.
I met Layshia earlier this week — by the way, it’s pronounced “Asia” with an “L” — when she and I appeared on a local TV show (WTNH in New Haven) to promote her team’s season home opener and that Mental Health Connecticut will be the CT Sun’s featured charity during the game.
I found Layshia to be curious and relaxed. She was fascinated with how the TV crew worked and how they could pull a show together with so many different things going on. She was also eyeing up the delicious burgers being cooked up for one of the segments.
It would have been smart of me to do a pre-interview with her while we waited, to ask her questions I could use for this blog post, but I didn’t. Not really sure why. I think because it would have felt out of place and given her comfort zone for just hanging out and making the best out of any situation, it just didn’t feel right to pepper her with questions.
I did thank her for being an advocate and for being so free about putting herself out there. And, we talked about the importance of not talking about “mental v. physical health.” Why can’t we just talk about our overall wellbeing? She agreed and said that she’d like to see more of an emphasis on supporting whole health in women’s sports, not just the physical.
Mostly, it was easy to see that she takes things in stride. It’s pretty clear that this is who she is. I can’t say I’ve been around a lot of high profile folks but, it’s always easy to see when “a show” is being put on for you, when they are doing the “right thing” for a TV appearance because they feel like they have to or because it’s good PR. Not Layshia. She is the real deal.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with my own “labels” and how to feel comfortable in my own skin as a stepmom, life partner, boss, co-worker, yoga teacher, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, and more. Things are different for me now in so many ways — my health has gone sideways, I’m almost through the exit door of my 40s, and while my yoga practice and teaching is amping up, it never seems to be enough to quiet my unending anxiety.
Yet, if I step back and truly take a breath, I have it easy. I have a lot to be grateful for. And, one thing I am grateful for this week is that I met someone who is bold and brave and effortlessly powerful. Layshia is the calm in a storm. Her presence, the way she shows up to the world, must be an inspiration to every kid she meets. I know she is for me.
When writing this blog post, I did have one question I wanted Layshia to answer and the CT Sun crew was kind enough to snag her after practice to ask it. Here goes:
Me: “From what I’ve read, you say that confidence has been a part of your biggest evolution as a person and a basketball player. What would you say to little girls who are struggling to find their own way to feeling or being confident?”
Layshia: “I would say tell little girls that confidence comes from within. And that can be a really scary concept. It’s vulnerable to believe in yourself especially when you feel like you aren’t worthy. It’s taken me a long time to figure that out. I was often looking to my parents, coaches, or teammates, or friends to help me feel confident and or worthy. It wasn’t until I started to look within and truly believe in myself that I found a more steadfast confidence. I would tell little girls that they are worthy and to believe in themselves because it’s one of the most powerful gifts you could give yourself.”
When you watch the TV interview, Layshia shares the purist and clearest reason why we should all make no apologies about taking care of their mental health. When someone asks her if she sees a therapist, her response is, “no one asks you when you go to the gym ‘are you ok.’ It’s like, ‘oh you’re working out, you’re staying fit.’”
If only breaking the stigma were this simple! Just be who you are and say what you want and everything else will fall into place? With the help of superstar humans like Layshia who live into the human label first before the star bits, I believe that someday it will.
–Suzi Craig, MHC
